In My Darkest Hour, Don't Let The Daylight Come
by Rabidnar
Summary: Chloe spends so much time loving other people. And sometimes she has to stop to wonder: who goes out of their way to love her?


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Pitch Perfect or Daylight!  
**A/N: **This fic was based off Boyce Avenue's cover of Maroon 5's Daylight. So, if you're going to listen to the song, make sure you listen to Boyce Avenue's version of it.  
I probably should have taken more time on this, but...yeah. It was supposed to be a drabble. Then it became more. Then I got sick of looking at it. So don't whine that it sucks. Anyway. Enjoy!

* * *

**In My Darkest Hour, Don't Let The Daylight Come**

* * *

_Here I am, waiting.  
I'll have to leave soon.  
Why am I holding on?  
We knew this day would come.  
We knew it all along.  
How did it come so fast?_

xxxxx

It came in little pieces – their dissent into something so dysfunctional. As she looks back over the years, Chloe can see it play out like an alphanumeric outline.

I. The Incident

A. Aubrey's Reaction

1. Chloe's Counteraction

a. The Blowout

II. The Incident

C. The Final Straw

Still, the realization doesn't actually hit until her last bag is packed and she takes a step back to look at her empty dorm room – the only thing left being sticky tack left over from the posters that once littered the walls. Then it's like a blunt object to the chest – with a grapple on the end that sticks into her heart and takes its time wrenching the organ to the surface then leaving it there exposed to the harsh elements. She wonders where the years went, and if she could have done anything to change them. She desperately imagines where she would be at this very moment if the first words she ever spoke to Aubrey (_"Are you auditioning for the Bellas too?"_) had been met with a terse, _"No."_ – until the thought of the past few years without Aubrey Posen in her life becomes too painful to bear.

xxxxx

_This our last night,  
But it's late,  
And I'm trying not to sleep,  
'Cause I know,  
When I wake,  
I will have to slip away._

xxxxx

Chloe sends one last email to a professor then shuts her laptop and stuffs it into its case. She tosses it onto her stripped bed. She has always been a star student, so when she told her professors that she had a family emergency, no one questioned her. She'll be finishing her classes and taking her finals online – back home in Miami. It's a good thing she's not like Aubrey when it comes to graduation – set on the dream of walking across the auditorium stage to receive her diploma. It'll come in a manila envelope in the mail. Her parents and brother aside, there will be no audience – no hats and gowns and friends hugging her to remind her she made it. Just a start to a new life, handed to her by the mailman. She's starting to think she's okay with that. The past year at Barden has been so intense that quiet closure might bring her some sense of relief.

She slips on a pair of Old Navy flipflops and grabs her room key on her way out the door in her pajamas. At nearly 11 P.M., not many others are roaming the halls – but those who are all give her their congratulations as she locks her door then makes the all-too-familiar trek to Aubrey's dorm. She returns their felicitations with polite smiles and brief 'thank you's. It's Beca who deserves the compliments – not her. Maybe if she had spent the year being less passive, less trapped in Aubrey's maladaptive recursive behavior, she could have been an influence on the Bellas. Maybe if she had had the courage to stand up for herself, stand up for Beca even, she and Aubrey would still be okay. She begins to wonder why she was ever afraid to put her foot down. She guesses that she just didn't want Aubrey to be the one to leave. But, in the end, it's that fear being the reason that either of them has to go. She had nothing to do with the Bellas' win and everything to do with her own loss. Each smile wavers a little more than the last.

Aubrey's door isn't locked. Chloe presses down on the handle and slowly opens it then lets herself inside. It's a habit that is so engrained in her daily life, it doesn't sink in that this is the last time she is doing this. She knows the gut-wrenching nostalgia will hit tomorrow night when she's opening the door to her own bedroom and crawling under the blankets alone.

xxxxx

_And when the daylight comes, I'll have to go.  
But tonight, I'm gonna hold you so close.  
'Cause in the daylight, we'll be on our own.  
But tonight, I need to hold you so close._

xxxxx

Aubrey is leaned over her computer, typing an email – probably the one she's going to send to her father to inform him of the Bellas' win. But she straightens up when the door opens and turns around as Chloe walks inside. Her hair falls in loose waves over her shoulders, framing her face. She looks so stress-free. "We did it." The grin plastered across her face has been there since their win. She was even smiling in her sleep last night, back at the hotel in New York. Chloe has never seen her smile so much. "For serious, Chloe, can you believe we actually did it?"

Chloe shuts the door behind her and kicks off her shoes. She offers a weary smile, one that Aubrey hardly pays any attention to the exhaustion behind (since when did they become so out of tune with each other?), and walks over to the bed – tossing her keys on Aubrey's desk on the way there. "We are the first all-female A Cappella team to win the ICCAs," she shares in Aubrey's excitement. Her grin widens a bit as she acknowledges their achievement out loud. She's happy for Aubrey. She really, truly is. This has been everything Aubrey has ever wanted since they first joined the Bellas during their freshman year. Chloe sits down near the top of the bed and crosses her legs in front of her. "We did it," she confirms and nods her head. They actually won.

She thought she'd be happier. Maybe not as happy as Aubrey. But happier.

Aubrey shuts her laptop and climbs up onto the bed – getting comfortable in a kneeling position beside Chloe. She sits back on her heels. "You don't seem like you care," she comments. Her smile fades slightly – but never once does it disappear completely.

Chloe looks up at her. The corners of her lips turn upward in a soft, tired smile again. She misses this Aubrey. The one not yelling at her. She leans over and throws her arms around Aubrey, tackling her onto her back and falling down on top of her in a gesture of affection.

Aubrey makes an 'oof' noise then laughs. It's a sound that Chloe hasn't heard in a long time. She's almost come to expect a scowl or an eyeroll from her. Lately, Chloe has been feeling like she can't do anything right. That laugh is music to her ears. She actually finds herself smiling sincerely.

Chloe props herself up on her arms and presses her forehead against Aubrey's. It's been too long since she's been allowed to be this close. "We won." Maybe she should care more about winning and less about how much she only cares because Aubrey does. There was a point when she cared more – sometime before she was chasing Aubrey around their rehearsal room, burning herself out yelling about how they could have been champions. Now that they are, it doesn't seem as it important as it should. She thinks maybe she's just tired. She sighs quietly and meets Aubrey's eyes. Can this really be counted as a win?

xxxxx

_Here I am staring at your perfection,  
In my arms, so beautiful.  
The sky is getting bright.  
The stars are burning out.  
Somebody slow it down._

xxxxx

Aubrey straightens herself out on her back and lowers one of her legs, keeping the other bent – one of Chloe's thighs pressed in between them. She inhales deeply then slowly exhales. "I think I'm happy that Beca joined the Bellas," she admits. Her lips press together in a proud grin. She still searches Chloe's eyes for approval. She has a lot of be proud of, Chloe thinks. The ICCAs. Letting go. Accepting Beca. Being able to _admit_ she has accepted Beca. "But those ear monstrosities and that attitude still need to go."

"I'm proud of you, Aubrey," Chloe whispers tenderly. "You did good." She chooses not to mention Beca at all. She has spent way too much time putting her energy into someone who, in the end, was bound to fall for someone else. She has spent too much of her _life_ pouring herself into one-sided relationships. She's not sure she'd even know what to do with anything else. But she knows that she is completely out of energy, and she can't do this anymore. Not with Beca. Not with Aubrey. But it's the small sliver of hope that she has for Aubrey that causes a pang in her heart. Because, laying there, staring into her eyes, for the first time in over a year, she feels like there is a chance that they could go back to normal again. But she knows the moment that Aubrey has her mind set on another achievement, it'll all slip away. But that's just who Aubrey is. And Chloe would never want to change her. She loves who Aubrey is.

xxxxx

_This is way too hard,  
'Cause I know when the sun comes up, I will leave.  
This is my last glance that will soon be memory._

xxxxx

She lets out a slow sigh – and she tortures herself waiting for another sign of normalcy, despite that her decision has been made. She just wants to feel like they're Chloe and Aubrey again for one more night – best friends and not strangers. She looks down then her gaze flickers up to meet Aubrey's once more. She waits for Aubrey to notice the heartbreak clouding her vision in the form of unshed tears and to ask her what's wrong. But she doesn't. She's too caught up in the Bellas. They are priority, after all. Chloe's smile becomes tighter and she swallows a lump forming in the back of her throat. There used to be times when Aubrey looked at her and saw her – but now she knows what it's like to feel invisible even when Aubrey is staring straight at her. It's like she looks right through her anymore. Chloe looks away and Aubrey just looks perplexed by her. She tries to pinpoint the exact date when she became overshadowed by A Cappella.

Junior Year. ICCAs.

Despite that she carried part of the weight of Aubrey's humiliation as they remained the only two Bellas on the stage after Aubrey started to throw up. Despite that she remained the only one willing to even still be considered a Bella with Aubrey after that. That's when she became overshadowed by Aubrey's obsession with winning. She racks her mind for anything she could have done differently. She had been the best friend that she could be.

"Chloe," Aubrey snaps her out of her thoughts. "What is wrong with you?"

Chloe snaps her gaze upward again and she realizes that Aubrey isn't smiling anymore. She sniffles quietly and blinks away tears that she didn't realize were beginning to leak down her face. "Aubrey, I'm sorry," she whispers. But she doesn't know what for. She knows it should be because she's leaving. Possibly because she's ruining their night; they should still be celebrating. But maybe it's because the part of her that wanted so badly to save Aubrey from herself this year now knows that it was for selfish reasons. She waits for some sort of acknowledgement – for sympathy, for forgiveness, for anything that isn't that perpetual confused look that lets her know they're on two different pages. She gets what she's looking for when Aubrey knits her eyebrows together and pulls her closer – but that gesture of normalcy doesn't make anything easier.

She wonders if maybe they can just stay in this moment forever.

xxxxx

_And when the daylight comes, I'll have to go.  
But tonight, I'm gonna hold you so close.  
'Cause in the daylight, we'll be on our own.  
But tonight, I need to hold you so close._

xxxxx

They stare at each other in silence – neither really knowing what to say next. Aubrey doesn't pry into Chloe's problems often, but sometimes Chloe wishes that she did. If she could be coerced into telling Aubrey she's leaving, maybe Aubrey would convince her to stay. She would be so willing to sacrifice herself for Aubrey if Aubrey would simply ask her to. But that's the problem. She realizes that she needs to just stop thinking about it altogether. She has a one-way, non-refundable flight to Miami at 10 A.M. That leaves her nine hours with Aubrey before she has to walk out the door. Hours that she doesn't plan to use lightly. There will be time for too much thinking on the plane. She doesn't want to think at all right now.

She looks down at Aubrey, who offers her a small smile, then leans forward and presses their lips together for the first time since junior year. Aubrey hums in approval, grinning against her mouth. Their bodies mold together and Aubrey entangles her fingers in the back of Chloe's hair. Before Chloe knows it, her arms are quivering too much to hold her up any longer and Aubrey is flipping her over onto her back. She crosses her arms over Aubrey's back and pulls her nightgown up over her head as she's pressed down into the mattress. She throws the article of clothing somewhere then wraps her arms around Aubrey and pulls her in closer, rolling them onto their sides. Their lips crash together again in a sloppy, passionate kiss that lacks practice as Aubrey bends her leg and presses her thigh against Chloe's center. Chloe moans softly and rolls her hips, already in desperate need of friction.

She trails her hands up Aubrey's front, eliciting a gasp from her when they reach her breasts. Chloe wants to feel every inch of her – to remember every hill and valley. Her hands are everywhere as Aubrey flips her back onto her back and she lightly trails her nails across Aubrey's soft skin. She pulls back from the kiss to breathe and arches her back up off the bed as Aubrey pushes her pants down. They end up down around her ankles and she doesn't really care about kicking them the rest of the way off. Her chest feels heavy and she pours every emotion she has, even the ones she can't quite put a name to, into loving Aubrey – she always does. That's the other problem.

Chloe spends so much time loving other people. And sometimes she has to stop to wonder: who goes out of their way to love her? There is only so long she can go pretending that she doesn't need to feel cared about as well.

xxxxx

_I never wanted to stop because I don't want to start all over, start all over.  
I was afraid of the dark, but now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want._

xxxxx

How do you tell the one person who loves you that it's not enough?

Tears work their way into the kiss and leave a salty aftertaste. Aubrey doesn't ask her why she's crying. Chloe no longer wants her to. She pulls back slightly and gasps for breath as she slips her hands under the fabric of Aubrey's panties. She wants to pretend that whatever pleasure she gives Aubrey tonight will be enough to get her through the agonizing events of tomorrow_. That moment when Aubrey calls her and gets an automated message telling her Chloe's number is no longer in service._ She traces her fingers along the insides of Aubrey's thighs_. That moment when Aubrey tries to call her again – only to receive the same message._ Their lips meet again in brief, feverish kisses. _When Aubrey shows up at her dorm and realizes it's empty. _Chloe slides two fingers into Aubrey and whimpers when Aubrey begins tracing circles around her center with her thumb. _The frantic texts. The numerous phone calls. Aubrey asking the other Bellas and trying to figure out who she's supposed to turn to. The vomiting. _Chloe almost wants to stop Aubrey as she begins a steady rhythm of sliding her fingers in and out of her. _Aubrey trying to figure out what she did wrong. _Chloe doesn't deserve to feel good. But she doesn't want to stop feeling her. _Aubrey trying to fix what she thinks is her own mistake. _Ever.

She pretends that the warmth radiating off their bodies will ease them through how cold the next few months will be. _Those moments when Chloe doesn't read the letters that arrive in the mail. _Aubrey moans softly and rocks her hips, encouraging Chloe to move her hand faster. Chloe realizes that they're both already so close to the edge. _That day when the letters stop showing up, and Chloe faces the painful realization that Aubrey has finally come to accept that Chloe is gone. _Her sob is a muffled cry again Aubrey's lips as they both collapse into each other at the same time. _And that moment she'll have to accept that Aubrey is gone as well._

xxxxx

_And when the daylight comes, I'll have to go.  
But tonight, I'm gonna hold you so close.  
'Cause in the daylight, we'll be on our own.  
But tonight, I need to hold you so close._

xxxxx

They're a disheveled mess of sweaty, entangled limbs and messy, fervent kisses. The kind of perfect that Chloe always longs for and Aubrey never sees for what it is. The kind of moment that Chloe always hopes will never be their last.

Aubrey pulls back, gasping and panting for air. She stares down at Chloe. She looks so un-Aubrey. Her hair curtains half of her face and she licks her swollen lips – looking absolutely beautiful. Her eyes sparkle with a confident glint. It's an expression that Chloe never thought she would see Aubrey wear. Aubrey draws in a breath and pauses a moment before looking Chloe in the eye. "I love you," she announces.

Chloe knows. She's always known. But, her breath still catches in her throat. _I love you too. _It's an exchange of words they should have had years ago. If they had, things might be different. The love Chloe feels for Aubrey is the rawest, truest feeling that she's ever known. But she can't form the words to say it back – not now. Still, she can't ruin the moment by causing Aubrey to think it's unrequited. It's not. She leans forward and captures Aubrey's lips in a kiss that encompasses those three words and more. She'll love Aubrey Posen as long as she lives.

And she'll spend their last night showing her in every way that she can.

Because tomorrow she doesn't want either of them to forget.

xxxxx

_And when the daylight comes, I'll have to go.  
But tonight, I'm gonna hold you so close.  
'Cause in the daylight, we'll be on our own.  
But tonight, I need to hold you so close._


End file.
